Words are incredibly powerful things. They can cut you, heal you, inspire you, and ruin you. Learning the language of a strong, healthy relationship or marriage takes time and tenacity, but saying some words regularly can cause irreparable damage. Below are four words that are destined to cause damage to your relationship.
“Never” implies a sense of hopelessness and finality. When you use “never,” you’re telling your partner that they are no good, will never be any good and that there’s no hope for change. It’s an all-or-nothing phrase that does not lend itself to listening, compromising and creating good will.
The word, “You” comes with an imaginary jabbing finger. It’s accusatory, and if the receiving person is already feeling vulnerable, defensive, or emotional, whatever you say after “you” will be interpreted as an accusation.
Like “Never,” “Always” is a word to avoid. When you use “always,” you’re telling your partner that they are wrong, you are right. It’s an all-or-nothing word, and it does not lend itself to understanding, learning, or healing.
When you use “but,” you negate whatever was said before. For instance, “I really appreciate that you did the dishes, BUT (fill in the blank.)
It invalidates your message and turns a positive statement into a negative one. It’s a conjunction that does not lend itself to building trust, credibility and intimacy. Similar words to avoid include “however” and “although.”
Take the time to think about the impact of your words before you speak to your partner. Strive to create a powerful and loving intention with your words rather than one that is meant to hurt, control, scare or push away the person you love.
Find words that are conducive to creating intimacy.
These might include phrases like, “I notice that when I [blank], you react by [blank]. When you do [blank], I feel [blank]. It would mean a lot to me if you would [blank], because when you do, I feel [blank].”
And: “I want our partnership to feel good to both of us. How can we approach things in a way that makes us both feel heard, appreciated, accepted, and loved?”
Learning new ways of communicating and relating to each other is not easy, but it can be done and will benefit your relationship immensely.
Source: Daily vibes